“Up the Long Ladder” is episode eighteen of season two of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
The Enterprise is in orbit and Worf is groaning a bit at his station. Captain Picard arrives on the bridge and he asks Commander Riker to join him in his ready room. The captain was meeting Admiral Moore, who wanted to discuss something. Picard plays a sound and asks if he recognises it. Riker suggests it might be an SOS and Picard congratulates him on being faster than Starbase Research. It was detected last month. Terran in origin, but the code hasn’t been used in centuries. There’s no record of an Earth colony in the area of the SOS.
The SOS is from the European Hegemony, a loose alliance in the early part of the 22nd century. Riker isn’t aware of them and the captain tells him it was the first stirrings of world government; he should read more history. The call was used between 2123 and 2190 and has never been used by extra-terrestrials. A scan of the records of deep space launches shows none with a destination in or near the sector. They are going to go help. When they exit back onto the bridge. Data is calling for Dr Pulaski. A medical emergency; Worf has collapsed.
In sickbay, Worf is saying he’s fine. Dr Pulaski says he isn’t; he fainted. Klingons don’t faint. The doctor says what happened in medical terms but, basically, he fainted. Something’s wrong – because Klingons don’t faint. Pulaski checks something and tells him what he has. A childhood ailment; Worf feels humiliated. He has the Klingon equivalent to the measles. To spare Worf, when the captain calls to see how Worf is, Dr Pulaski tells him some lies.
Data enters the captain’s ready room. He says there may be no record of a missing ship, but someone had to load it. Checking the manifest reveals the SS Mariposa. Which has a curious assortment of high and low technology items on it. There was a philosopher who advocated a return to a simpler life, but that doesn’t account for the high-tech equipment.
Worf brings a tray to thank the doctor. To perform the Klingon tea ceremony. She knows the externals of the ceremony, not the mysteries; she isn’t Klingon. Worf warns her not to drink the tea, as it’s deadly to humans. And, according to the doctor, none too good for Klingons. Worf says it’s a test of bravery and that death is an experience best shared. Like the tea. Pulaski thinks that’s romantic. Worf says that love poetry reaches its fullest flower in Klingon. The doctor decides to inject herself with an antidote to the tea, so she can share the experience. Afterwards, Worf can recite some poetry to her.
The system the Enterprise arrives in is experiencing severe flare activity. A massive understatement., There are some humans 30m below the surface, but no evidence of any advanced technology. The flares will brush the planet in just under 4 hours. The inhabitants will need to be beamed off and, in order to reassure them, Riker heads down first. He contacts the captain and tries to explain something but Picard says there’s no time; go ahead anyway. O’Brien energises – and gets livestock. Perhaps the captain should have listened. Especially as, when he and Worf arrive, a chicken escapes.
In the transporter room, it turns out that O’Brien – played by Colm Meaney, an actual Irishman – has just beamed up a load of Irish stereotypes. The most important two aren’t even played by anyone Irish. Bet that went down well. Picard orders everyone beamed directly to a cargo bay, animals and all. The leader, Danilo Odell, tries to see if Picard is interested in marrying his daughter.
During a staff meeting, Worf gets contacted due to a fire in the cargo bay. Odell thinks the place is a death trap; what would have happened if he’d been caught inside the forcefield that came down? Worf points out that, to do so, he would have been standing in the fire. Odell’s daughter, Brenna, is not too impressed either. She’s quite forceful. Picard starts laughing (in fact, Patrick Stewart was actually laughing), which is not the reaction Riker expected. Sometimes you just have to bow to the absurd. Riker decides to stay to help. More likely, to stay with Brenna. On the way out, Odell asks if they’ve heard anything from the other colony. The one where all the technology went.
Riker shows Brenna around the Enterprise – ending up in his own quarters. Which it looks like she was after in the first place. Odell contacts Worf, because they’re trying to make a still. Worf shows him how to order food. Odell isn’t impressed with the whisky. He’s more impressed with the Klingon drink Worf orders. Brennan is unhappy Worf has showed them how to get alcohol from the replicators. Worf asks if she’s considered a career in security.
The other colony, when they find it, has its own problems.