“Bad Blood” is episode twelve of season five of The X-Files.
The episode opens at night in Chaney, Texas, and a young man is running through the woods screaming for help because someone is going to kill them. He trips and falls and his pursuer finally catches him. Then drives a stake into his heart. The pursuer is Mulder. Then Scully arrives. The young man has fangs. Which, as Scully shows, are fake. Oops?
Mulder is in his office writing his report when Scully enters. He tells her not to start, throws the report away then destroys the bin. Mulder says he knows what he saw. Scully tells him Skinner wants their report in an hour. They are both going to tell him what they saw – except that it might not be the same. Mulder says he might be going to prison if she doesn’t back him up. Scully tells him the family of Ronnie Strickland are suing the FBI for $446 million. In such a case, they will certainly be co-defendants. She’s in as deep and she didn’t overreact. Mulder says Ronnie was a vampire. Scully is his proof. He wants to hear it the way she saw it. Scully isn’t comfortable with that idea. Mulder reminds her about prison. She agrees.
According to Scully, she arrived at work yesterday to find an exuberant Mulder. They’re flying to Chaney, population 360, ground zero for mysterious nocturnal exsanguinations. Of cows. Six of them. Each with two small puncture wounds to the neck. Scully thinks it’s cultists. Mulder disagrees. It’s not the Mexican goatsucker either; they have four fangs, not six. And suck goats. This is classic vampirism. Oh, and a tourist from New Jersey was killed last night. Scully thinks Mulder should have led with that.
At the Peaceful Slumbers Funeral Home, they are met by local law enforcement, Sheriff Hartwell. Scully seems to like the look of him and vice versa. They haven’t examined the body; the sheriff thought it best to leave it to the experts. Scully now thinks the killing was done by someone who believes they are a vampire. The sheriff thinks that makes sense. Scully has the sheriff call her by her first name; Mulder interrupts and says the sheriff never even knew it. She may be elaborating on things a bit. Scully says that’s when Mulder had his breakthrough; the shoes of the victim are untied. Mulder asks if there’s a creepy cemetery in the area. There is. He wants the sheriff to take him whilst Mulder wants a complete autopsy. No, he doesn’t know what he’s looking for.
Scully is not having fun. She finds pizza in the dead man’s stomach and itemises the ingredients. Then says that sounds really good. She heads to the motel – Mulder corrects her on the name – and is settling in when a muddy Mulder enters. She found the thing that Mulder didn’t know what he was looking for. Chloral hydrate. Knockout drops. She asks what happened to Mulder. Nothing. Clearly a lie. Scully thinks the killer drugged their victim. And the cows. Mulder asks what kind of vampire does that. Exactly Scully’s point. Mulder says there’s another dead tourist and he needs another autopsy. Scully leaves as her pizza arrives.
During the second autopsy, Scully is having even less fun. The victim was drugged and exsanguinated. But how did the chloral hydrate get in the system? Scully’s phone rings, but whoever is on the other end just makes noises. Scully continues with the autopsy, moving on to stomach contents. Which is pizza. Scully realises the drug is in the pizza, and Mulder is probably eating hers. When she gets to the motel, Mulder is passed out on the floor and the pizza delivery guy, Ronnie, has fangs. He runs away and Scully shoots. She misses Ronnie but gets his car and he had to flee into the woods. Scully assumed Mulder was incapacitated, but she found him in a clearing, overacting. Scully reminds them they did catch a killer. Not a supernatural one, but a killer.
Scully wants to hear Mulder’s side of the story. From the beginning. His depiction of himself is rather less over the top than Scully’s – and he seemed less certain it was vampires. He does point out that the funeral home had a lot of caskets for such a small place. His depiction of the local sheriff is less flattering than Scully’s; his depiction of Scully’s reaction to Hartwell involves more drooling over the sheriff, and for less justification. Mulder’s account is rather different to Scully’s in the details – which is true in real life and why ‘eyewitness accounts’ can be rather less useful than they sound. Though professionals such as Mulder and Scully tend to be trained to be better observers. Their accounts may be bordering on the unprofessional though.
It’s not looking great for either of them, even though a $446 million suit against the FBI for killing a serial killer seems a bit of an overreaction. Even if said serial killer was staked through the heart. That is until something happens that requires a return visit to Chaney. This is one of the less-serious episodes.