“False Profits” is episode five of season three of Star Trek: Voyager.
Voyager has detected evidence of a wormhole appearing and disappearing in a nearby system. According to Harry, it’s been six months since its last appearance. According to Chakotay, the wormhole doesn’t have a fixed point. Captain Janeway suggests that the other end might be fixed. Tom announces they are arriving at the wormhole’s last known coordinates. Tuvok scans the planets for lifesigns and detects humanoid lifesigns on an M-class planet. They have a Bronze Age civilisation – and evidence they have had recent contact with the Alpha Quadrant. For he’s detected energy showing recent use of a replicator.
Harry suggests that this could mean the wormhole leads to the Alpha Quadrant and that someone travelled through. The captain wants more evidence. She wants Tom and Chakotay to head down to the planet, and for Harry and B’Elanna to see if they can confirm that the wormhole leads to the Alpha Quadrant.
On the planet, Tom and Chakotay are looking around when a man starts reciting something. Je asks them what they thought. It was nice. He takes offence to nice and warrants they have never heard the Song of the Sages more beautifully recited. Given that’s the first time they’ve heard it, they haven’t. The first verse is free; the next costs. They don’t want to pay. A merchant then admires their shoes and tries to sell them property and transformation. Because time is an asset. Chakotay has detected a dampening field around what looks to be a temple. According to the merchant, you can’t enter the temple without wearing at least one ear. He could sell them a couple. In exchange for Tom’s shoes.
Janeway joins Harry and B’Elanna in the science lab. They’ve confirmed that the wormhole does lead to the Alpha Quadrant. This end of it, though, moves around so rapidly that, even at maximum warp, it would be gone before they could get to it. However, they think they may be able to bring the wormhole to the ship instead. They just need to work out some more bits.
A now-shoeless Tom is not liking the town very much so far. Then a gong is rung and three rather scantily clad women come out of the temple. Tom thinks the place is looking up. A man wheels something out and announces the Holy Sages. Who are two Ferengi. The holy icon is a working replicator. The Ferengi are teaching the locals Ferengi philosophy and Chakotay contacts the ship. The ‘Holy Sages’ give advice to petitioners, such as ‘Exploitation begins at home.’ A petitioner is replicated a copy of the Rules of Acquisition.
At a briefing of the senior staff, Chakotay and Tom explain that the locals have an epic poem called the Song of the sages, about how two demigods from the sky will rule over them as benevolent protectors. The arrival of the Ferengi matched the song and they have cornered the market on everything. And made the society considerably less flourishing.
Tuvok explains about how, about 9 years ago, the Enterprise hosted negotiations for the Barzan Wormhole (in the TNG episode “The Price”). Two Ferengi were included in the bidding. The wormhole’s end is fixed in the Alpha Quadrant, but it moves around at this end, so is worthless. The Ferengi entered it and were never seen again. Harry and B’Elanna are still working on the wormhole. Captain Janeway plans to take the Ferengi back with them. Tuvok tells her that the Ferengi are no in the Federation, so are not bound by its rules, and they can’t interfere. Janeway, making what Tuvok calls a most logical interpretation, says that the Federation would not be here if not for the Federation, so they are partly responsible and duty bound to correct the situation.
One Ferengi, Arridor, is counting their money whilst the other, Kol, who seems the dimmer bulb of the two, is getting an ear massage. There is less money than expected, so Kafar is called in. They are berating him when they are beamed out. Kafar starts enjoying their luxuries.
On Voyager, the Ferengi are told they are going home with them. To the statement that this will take decades, the wormhole is explained. Arridor makes a spiel about how the locals believe they are the Holy Sages, and who is to say they are not. When people lose their gods, people give in to despair, fear and confusion. Janeway obviously thinks they have a point – even though Kafar’s actions when the Holy Sages were beamed out did not suggest despair, fear or confusion – and beams them back.
They now need another, more circumspect, way of getting the Ferengi to leave. In the process, Voyager‘s crew do not come out looking that competent. The episode is also a bit silly.