“Starship Mine” is episode eighteen of season six of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
The Enterprise is at the Remmler Array for a routine procedure to remove accumulated baryon particles. The ship needs evacuating as this is hazardous to people. Troi, Dr Crusher and the Commander Riker all speak to the captain about problems with the evacuation. Picard then meets Data in the turbolift on the way to the bridge. Data starts chatting. When he mentions weather patterns, the captain asks him if he’s alright. Data has written a new subroutine for small talk. The captain says it’s a little too non-relevant. And if he’s really interested in small talk, he should keep an eye on Commander Hutchinson at the reception. He’s a master. The captain’s face suggests this is not a good thing.
On the bridge, Worf and Geordi want to talk about another issue. Once that’s dealt with, Geordi says there’s an incoming message from the station administrator, Mr Orton. The captain will take it in his ready room. Before he heads there. Worf asks permission to be excused from Commander Hutchinson’s reception. The captain grants it; he only wishes he could excuse himself. Geordi then tries but the captain tells him he can’t excuse his entire senior staff. And Mr Worf beat him to it. Worf smirks at Geordi.
Orton wants confirmation the sweep can be started in an hour. It can. And Commander Hutchinson wants to be sure he’ll be able to attend the reception. The captain says to tell the commander he’s looking forward to it. A lie. The bridge is now empty and a work crew comes in.
At the reception, Data is closely observing Commander ‘Calle me Hutch’ Hutchinson as he speaks to Dr Crusher. Hutch excuses himself to speak to Riker, who has a look of panic on his face. Data is continuing to watch and copy Hutch’s mannerisms. Hutch then targets the captain and the doctor joins Riker. Then Data comes over and starts putting into practice what he’s just watched, to their amusement.
The captain starts to dump Hutch on Geordi and Troi when Hutch mentions horses. The captain likes horses. Hutch says the trails are cold and muddy with not a soul for miles. The captain thinks that sound perfect. He asks how long until the baryon sweep. There’s enough time to go back for his saddle. Geordi questions him having a saddle on the Enterprise. The captain says it’s perfectly normal; every true horseman has their own to hand. He bolts. Now, in “Pen Pals”, the captain did show a liking for horse riding and he does have a saddle, so it might be genuine. Except he’s so desperate to leave he walks into a wall.
The captain has changed and got his saddle when he sees an ODN panel open. One of the people who came onboard asks what he’s doing. He explains. He thought the maintenance crew was supposed to be off the ship. The man says he was doing some laser bonding, gesturing with the device he’s holding. Then goes for the captain. Who manages to disable the man, played by Tim Russ, who would later play the Vulcan, Tuvok, on Voyager, with a Vulcan nerve pinch. The captain then heads for the transporters but primary power goes offline before he can use it.
Data is now speaking to Orton and Riker is with Hutch. Riker dumps Hutch on Data, and they small talk at each other. Orton thanks Riker, then he gets called away. Riker asks Geordi about the captain. Geordi explains the saddle. All true horse riders have their own saddle. He’s probably 10km away by now. Lucky him.
The captain is dragging the man who knocked out into sickbay. The latter has a communicator which activates; someone called Kelsey is asking for him, Devor. Then assumes there’s interference and asks Kiros to find Devor. Devor comes around to see the captain holding a phasor on him. Devor says the phasor won’t work. The captain agrees his probably right, but he bets the laser welder will. He wants to know what’s going on in main engineering. Devor says the captain is Starfleet; he won’t kill him. The captain asks if he’s sure. Then uses a hypospray and comments that it seems he’s right. The captain then heads out to start climbing but a woman holds a weapon on him.
Troi and Riker are watching Data and Hutch talk. Troi comments that they are still at it. Riker says it’s non-stop. It’s got a strange fascination: How long can two people talk about nothing. Geordi is looking at the buffet table; his VISOR has picked something up. A strange energy reading. He offers to take a look. He’s told it’s nothing. Riker thinks it’s odd. Then Orton intervenes and he and the other local present retrieve weapons from under the table and shoot Hutch and Geordi.
The captain is on the Enterprise – he’s claiming to be Mr Mot, the barber – where there’s a lethal sweep happening and a group of people trying to steal highly dangerous trilithium resin from the engines. He has to stop them somehow. The others are being held hostage. Perhaps not surprisingly, this script was sold as ‘Die Hard on the Enterprise.’